Last month, I celebrated a birthday.
A dinner party with family and friends at Lena’s Wood-Fired Pizza and Tap in Virginia. Stunning place, I highly recommend.
We pretty much spent the whole night laughing, lounging, eating and drinking. Mostly, having fun with camcorders and polaroids. Only I didn’t get in til about 4 the next morning. And though surprisingly for me, for eighteen hours, I had managed not to feel alone.
You know, alone alone. Alone and single?
I actually believed that I could do this. That I could be like Samantha or Carrie, parading around in magical pieces of Fendi and Dior.
But I want love!
I want to be in love. I want to fall in love. I want the birds to sound over broken harp strings. I’m talking 12 Days of Christmas, two turtle doves.
Though instead, I decided that the only way to deal with this “dis-easement” of singleness was to wallow myself in anything that would push the idea further away from my mind.
Movies.
Did you know Sean Connery wore a toupee in every James Bond film? That’s because he started balding at the age of 17.
No seriously, look it up.
Anyways, I’ve been single for close to 2 years now and by the time you read this, it’ll probably be a full 2.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. Being single has its perks and all but honestly, I just feel less enthused about it, that’s all.
Not to mention, with reminders being everywhere of faint shadows over new engagements hanging there, as you ponder the fact, however merry and blissful your life may be, there’s still something missing.
Friends in relationships enticing you to go out. There are unread messages in your inbox from tasteless men that you know, without a doubt, will never get checked. And so, as a result, most of your days are just spent daydreaming.
I got a call the other day, from my ex, who asked, “how come you’re still single?”
I suppose had it not been for my insatiable curiousity, then maybe I wouldn’t be.
Why do people ask, “how come you’re still single?” If you’re single, there’s either one or two reasons why that must be. Even if you’re Angelina Jolie.
Angelina Jolie!
If you’re single, you can’t even comment about being single without someone asking, “how come you’re still single?”
Your apartment is empty and you’re plugged into countless hours of orange soda, pizza and James Bond. And if you’re lucky enough to go on a date, technically, you’re still single.
You can’t even have sex with him yet. Plus, you can’t even save his name in your phone under cute-little emojis.
Being single fucking sucks.
Meanwhile, the whole world is comfortably settled in relationships, doing puzzles together, carrying conversations in hypotheticals…
But anyways, the point I’m trying to make here is that when you get to a place in your life where you find yourself alone and single, consider being honest with yourself.
Like I have no idea how to even begin online dating. Let alone, figure it out. Personally, I think it’s just not my thing.
And for those of you who are in relationships, you could be next. Just the other day, my cousin Sammie told me she broke up with her boyfriend of 23 months.
“What are we to do?” she asked.
“Let’s not be dramatic about this.”
But what I meant to say was, “how the hell do I know?” Being single doesn’t come with an all-to-know manual guide. And besides, being single looks easier on TV than it does in real life.
And so what if we’re single, right?
No, wrong.
I’m dying inside.
Until next time.
“I’ve been single for a while now and I have to say, it’s going very well. Like…it’s working out. I think I’m the one.” — Emily Hunter
